Shards of Glass
by TheEmoChild
Summary: Confident, strong, lucky, but mostly happy, is how people would normally describe Luffy. That is also what his closest friends think of him, before they find out that he committed suicide together with his elder brother. Finding his diary, his friends start to dig in his life and past. What dark truths has Luffy been hiding from them all? Modern AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Sorry if it's messy.**

**Not sure about pairings yet, if any.**

**~Enjoy~**

* * *

The sound of laughter and people enjoying themselves dominated the usually quiet apartment. Music pounded throughout the flat as the voices of the people sounded happy and carefree. A smell of sweat, alcohol and cheap perfume hovered around in the air. Smiling faces, eyes looking desperately for someone to bring home, unpleased expressions and bodies moving in a steady rhythm. Looking around in the apartment it made one realize how many different kinds of people really exist. People who loved to dance, people who became nervous with too many other people around them, people who only sought for love that would last one night, people who enjoyed the whole atmosphere. Somewhere someone dropped his glass and people around him giggled at his clumsy behavior. Somewhere else lips met each other, tongues danced together and hands sought desperately for something to grasp onto. Somewhere else a story of someone who wasn't present at the party was shared. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

"Nami", at first she didn't seem to hear that her name was said. She continued to flirt with some men and danced in her appealing manner, trying to catch a rich pray. The realization that she didn't hear him made him slightly anxious if he really should tell her that he was going to leave. Maybe it was for the best that he just would stay the whole night? No. He had to go home and check if Ace was alright. He had been gone for more than two hours now, and it was nighttime, the worst time of the day for Ace. He had to go and check if he was still alright. "Nami." The decision to try to call his friend's name again seemed to be a good one, as the beautiful, young woman turned around to face him.

"What is it Luffy? Are you having fun?" she spoke loudly, clearly not being sober anymore. Her body continued to move in the simple rhythm of the song. The men around her chuckled, one of them were resting his hands on her slim, curvy body. Moving her hip a little, she made her short, short blue dress go up a little too much, clearly to make the men want her even more. She most likely already knew who was the richest of them and was going to go after him.

"I'm going home", also speaking quite loudly, Luffy looked seriously at his friend, to make her realize that he had a valid reason to leave. When the serious look in his eyes met her, she stopped dancing for a while and walked a few steps closer. The men around her seemed to get a little cross with Luffy for stealing her attention. "I'm sorry, but things came up and… I have to go."

"B-But..! It's _your _birthday party! Some people haven't come yet, you know!" the frustrated and hurt look she gave Luffy made him feel even worse for leaving. But he had no choice. Right now, Ace was his number one priority. "You haven't even blown the candles on your birthday cake yet!" It had been decided that Luffy would do it on midnight, when it finally would be May 5th. He really felt horrible for letting his friends down like this, but he had no option. He had to check if Ace was alright. Maybe, if he quickly ran back home and checked on Ace, he would maybe, just maybe, make it back before midnight. Then everyone would be happy and well, right?

"I'll come back, I just have to do one thing, okay? I promise", he hated to promise things like these, because lately it seemed that promises had been uncommonly hard to keep. Luffy smiled an assuring smile, even letting his infamous laughter escape through his wide smile. He knew this would make Nami trust him, it always made everyone trust him.

"If you say so, then go! Run! Come back soon, we'll be waiting for you!" she giggled as she playfully pushed him forwards, feeling much better of Luffy's smile. If Luffy smiled it meant everything was fine and that everything also would be fine. Luffy laughed again, walking to the front door. "You'll be back before midnight, right!?" she managed to ask the question just as the black-haired youth was on the way out of her and Robin's apartment. The inquiry made her friend stop and look back at her.

"I promise!"

* * *

He could still not believe it. He doubted that he ever really would believe it. It still felt like he was there somewhere, smiling and laughing like he should. Rejection was the only word that could describe him right now. He was rejecting the truth. He was rejecting reality. He was accepting memories. He was accepting imagination. When he only accepted the two latter ones, he slowly started to believe his own imaginations and memories. They were the only right reality to him, there was no other dimension than that. Even if someone would come and slap the cruel, hateful reality at him again, he'd just reject it. He wouldn't understand the cruel reality, mostly because he wouldn't even let reality close to him. Though he currently dwelled in a world based on his own imaginations, the pain and knowledge of what had happened lingered behind him all the time. There was not a single second of the day that he could get rid of the pestering pain. It would cling onto him. He wasn't sure whether it would ever let go of him.

One month ago the police had found two corpses. Luffy had never come back to the party. And after that he had mystically disappeared that night they hadn't seen him for a week. Nami had said that Garp most likely had come back to town and that Ace and Luffy had fled, being completely terrified of their abusive grandfather. The two boys would usually hide in a small hut that they had built back as kids, whenever the rumors of that their grandfather was back reached their ears. Everyone in their small group of friends had been completely convinced that this was the case after that they had seen the mad, old man in town. But their whole world had changed when they had heard it. Their reality, which had been based on the taste of happiness that Luffy had offered them, had crushed and become nothing but dust. _Luffy had committed suicide together with his elder brother Ace._

His laughter and carefree voice was still lingering around in the apartment. The voice of his elder brother, telling him to behave and then apologizing for his younger brother's bad behavior, echoed through the dead silent flat. They missed them so much it hurt to take breaths. The sun rays pierced through the curtains, completely contradicting with the will of the person who had closed the curtains in first place. It scared them that the person who had closed them either had been Ace or Luffy. Thousands of questions stormed inside of their minds, making everything so much more complicated. Why had they wanted to close the curtains? Had someone threatened to kill them and they had had to pretend that they weren't at home? In that case it maybe hadn't been suicide at all. Or maybe they simply had closed it to make the apartment dark so that they could go to sleep? Why were the curtains closed?

Robin and Zoro had decided to go to the apartment of their deceased friend and his elder brother, to empty it and go through all the things that once had belonged to Luffy. They had decided that all of them would take something as a memory, mostly because neither Ace nor Luffy had written a will. It had been decided that everything the two boys had owned would go to Garp, who would decide what to do. It had actually been a kind thing to do, to let them empty the apartment, but Garp didn't probably think it that way. He didn't realize how much it meant for them that they could go and say goodbye to Luffy properly. He didn't realize that they could find something that could change the conclusion of Ace and Luffy committing suicide, something that could be a proof that it really had been murder instead.

Still rejecting the cold truth, Zoro opened one of the drawers attached to Luffy's desk. Robin sat on his bed, caressing the blanket that still smelled Luffy. She had never thought that her friend had been suffering so badly. He had always been the one who had been strong and told everyone else to never give up. He had always smiled and laughed, and made the world a better place by just existing. Now he had stopped to exist. How had none of them been capable to detect the incredible amount of pain he obviously had been hiding? Had they all really been blinded of his assuring smiles and confident sentences? Robin leaned down and took deep breath of the familiar smell that still hovered around in the bedroom. His bed smelled the most though, the wonderful smell of Luffy. It struck her mind that the smell wouldn't be there forever, someone else would move in and settle down. That someone else would most likely never realize how precious the earlier smell of the apartment had been. How precious the small scribbles on the wall were. How precious one, smelly sock underneath the bed was. How precious the small reindeer toy was.

In the drawer there was a big box. Letting his hands grab onto it, Zoro lifted it out and placed it on the floor. The harsh sound of the box landing on the floor made the black-haired woman twitch gently on the bed. She turned her head towards Zoro and looked at the box for a while, before she finally sat down on the floor too, curious to see what it contained. Pain struck through them when they saw a poorly drawn picture on the top of a pile of papers and notebooks. It was a picture of a shark, trying to eat a fierce pirate that held a sword in front of him. With shaky hands, Zoro took the picture and looked at it. It had been drawn with crayons and most of the lines were inaccurate and looked awkward.

"He really had sucked at drawing", Zoro finally stated, a small smile developing on his lips. Every pound his heart made hurt so much it was impossible to even describe it. He heard how Robin chuckled gently next to him, though pain and grief was clearly heard among it. He wished he could have told Luffy that he really liked the drawing of the shark and pirate. "I like it though. The pirate seems so confident and strong." The moment he had said those words, he regretted them. Those were two adjectives that described Luffy perfectly. But had he really been that confident and strong? Maybe he hadn't been the big, strong boulder they all had thought he had been. Maybe he had been a pane of glass, delicate and weak? All that was left of him now was only shards of glass. Why had no one noticed how shards of him had fallen all the time, and started to pick up them for him?

"It's beautiful, though", Robin smiled shakily, reaching for the next paper. It was a completely blank paper, but you could see how someone had started to write on it and how the same someone then had erased it. The dark haired woman wasn't stupid, and held the blank paper against the light, so she could see what once had been written on it. _'The legend of a Pirate, chapter 1. Once upon a time there was a pirate named'. _It ended quickly. The title had been stupid and childish, even the beginning had been a complete cliché. Yet the whole thought of Luffy sitting by his desk, trying to create a story of a pirate, could only be described as adorable. "He really adored pirates."

"If he wouldn't have been born into this century, he most likely would have become a pirate", Zoro joked, being answered by another chuckle. It was heartbreaking to see how much Luffy had drawn. Zoro couldn't help but to recall all of the thousands of times he and Usopp had made fun of Luffy's drawings. The urge to apologize only grew bigger and bigger, a small 'sorry' almost escaped through his lips. He could hear how a carefree laughter said that it was fine. It wasn't fine. Nothing was fine. Where was Luffy? Why wasn't he at home? Why was he dead? "I wonder how his obsession even begun."

"Must have begun back when he was a child", Robin said, reaching for more stuff inside of the box. Next up was a red notebook, which Luffy had drawn a small skull on with a black marker. Robin smiled gently for herself, wondering how many things they would find that was related to pirates. Then the black-haired woman decided to open the notebook. The first page was empty, but the next one was filled with messy handwriting. It shocked her as she realized what it was. A diary. "Zoro." She caught the attention of her muscular, younger friend by calling his name, as he had been looking at more of Luffy's drawings. "Look."

"I-Is that… His diary?" it felt so wrong to read someone else's diary, especially if it was Luffy's. But he knew that this could make things easier for them. They wouldn't understand unless they knew what Luffy had gone through. And Zoro had to admit that he was helplessly curious to know why his friend had given up on life. What had he been hiding from them all this time? What had been destroying him all this time? It must have been something outrageous, Luffy was an incredibly strong human being, even mentally. He must have lived with it a long time too, since it had broken him completely. And not only had it broken him, it had also broken his elder brother. Though Zoro hadn't seen Ace for a half year, he was still positive that Ace had been as strong as Luffy. What could make two individuals as strong as them give up on everything? "Should we really?"

"Maybe be we should read it together with everyone else?" Robin suggested, sensing that her green-haired friend seemed utterly unsettled. She understood why Zoro didn't want to read the diary, it was an extremely intrusive deed. Even though the gorgeous woman knew all of this, she still was a very curious human being, it was a part of her nature to poke her nose in other people's life. She had always wanted to know a lot about other people, and often eavesdropped if she recognized that someone was hiding something from her. She was well aware of the fact that it was a bad habit, but she couldn't help it. "Should I call them? What do you think?"

"I don't think that's necessary, it just feels so weird…" his eyes were concentrating on the text, but they weren't moving, meaning that he wasn't reading the text yet. It was absolutely clear though, that he wanted to read the text and learn why his best friend had decided to end his own life. A smile flashed through his mind and suddenly everything seemed so painful. He missed Luffy. He wanted to say so much to him. He wanted to share so much with him. Luffy had been seventeen, for god's sake! He still had had the whole life to live! Why throw it all away? "Whatever. I think we should read it, right now, just the two of us. It would feel so weird with all of us here."

"We can always call them up if there's something helpful in here", the sweet smile on her lips made the suffocating feeling leave him. Robin was like the pillar you always could lean and cry on. Zoro knew that Robin had her own pillar to lean and cry on. Had Luffy had his pillar to lean and cry on? Why had no one volunteered to be that pillar? Why had Luffy been forced to hold all the grief and sorrow inside of himself? Why? Why hadn't there been another option for all of this? "So, I can read it out loud…"

_29__th__ November 2012,_

_I wonder what I should write here. Marco bought this to me, saying that if I felt bad I should write here. Today I don't feel bad, but I feel like I have to start somewhere. Marco also said, that I should write things that stress me down, so that they would stress me less. I don't really know if it will help, but I'll try._

_I am really worried over Ace, he's been worse again. I thought he was going to get better after that Marco started to help us, but a few days ago he was bad again. I don't know whether he's sick or if it's something else. I'm not a doctor. Marco says that Ace needs time to recover, but I don't know from what he's recovering. I just asked, he said Ace is recovering from sadness. Is Ace sad because I'm a bad little brother? I know that Ace has always been a little sad because of his dad, but I didn't think it would make him this sad. Why is Ace not going to work anymore? I don't know how we'll get money if he's fired. I'm glad that Marco helps me though, he will probably know what to do._

_I'm also really scared for a test next week. I don't understand anything in class and if I fail a test, gramps will come over. I don't want gramps to see Ace sad, he would get really mad. I don't want to cause any more trouble either. I need to study really hard! _

_I don't know what to write anymore. I'm really happy today, that's all. Today Usopp and I were outside playing basketball! It was so much fun! I hope I'll get to play soon again, but it's hard to leave Ace at home, you never know how he feels. I want everything to be like it used to be._

_-Luffy (:_

* * *

"Luffy! Pass the ball, I'm free!"

"No chance, you're on the enemy team!"

"C'mon, just pass it!"

"I'm not dumb Usopp!"

Laughter was heard throughout the small basketball court on the side of the park. Small frosty, crystals of snow were flattering down from the sky, only to melt directly when hitting the asphalt ground. The pounding noise of the ball bouncing was heard clearly in between the laughter and sentences of the two young males running around. Though winter was coming, they still had decided to go out and play basketball. The ball was harder than usual; it had even gotten some frost on it during the last night. Ignoring all of this, the boy with an uncommonly long noise had still thought that it hadn't been too cold to play basketball outside.

"I know that there are only two teams, me and you!" Luffy laughed happily, dribbling past his long-nosed friend, only to score another point for himself. The slender teen had always been good at all sports, it was a talent that most of the other boys envied. Usopp sighed and shook his head, knowing that he was going to lose, no matter how hard he would try. "You okay Usopp?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired of playing basketball, that's all", straightening himself up a little, Usopp walked to Luffy and playfully hit his friend on the arm. Luffy smiled excitedly, grinning in his mischievous manner. "But damn! You really know how to play! Where'd you learn how to play like that?"

"Ace and I used to play when we were kids!" laughter escaped through his lips, covering him from the small shock he had gotten when he had remembered. Ace. He had to go and check on Ace. How had he just gone outside without thinking things through? What if Ace was worse than usual? Luffy had to go. "Speaking of Ace, I forgot to say where I was going! He must be worrying!" Lie. Ace was not worrying over Luffy, it was the other way around. Ace wasn't capable of worrying, he was ill in some way. Luffy didn't know what illness it was, though. "I have to go!"

"Why don't you just call him and tell him that you're hanging out with me?" Usopp asked, whine hinting in his inquiry. He was answered by a goofy grin, and prepared himself for an answer only Luffy could give.

"I forgot my phone at home!"

"You really are an idiot!"

"Shishishishi, sorry!"

Frosty crystals continued to flatter down, as Usopp looked after his goofy friend who was running back home. Luffy turned around and waved once, a ridiculous happiness written all over his face. How could a person be so happy? Usopp had questioned himself that so many times. Never had he come up with a valid reason, since he knew that Luffy didn't live a perfect life with his abusive grandfather and all. Luffy was, however, the happiest person Usopp knew.

It's almost funny, how wrong a human being can be.

* * *

**~Thanks for Reading~**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the enormous delay in this pitiful chapter! Please forgive me fellow fanfic-members~!**

**Just Meh and Meh: I feel so accomplished for making your dream come true~! And your kind words makes my cold feel unimportant~! Thank you so much wonderful human being!**

**ichigi111kurosaki: here you have some more, ichigi111kurosaki-sama! :D**

**gaarablack: I'm sorry that it took me such a long time to finish the chapter... :'C But thanks for the review! I appreciate it~! :3**

**chibi-twan: sorry for making you cry, chibi-twan-sama! I made sure not to pour in so much feels in this chapter though. hopefully it will do anyway! :3**

**Animezpeps: Thank you for finding my fic interesting! (:**

**LostFairyMantic: Explanation for Ace is in this chapter :D And I do thank you for your utterly kind words~! :3**

**Luffy1Ace1Sabo: Thank you so much my friend! And I can't help but to adore your username!**

**OtakuBoss: Hehehe, I feel accomplished for awakening feelings inside of you with my writing! And I put the last sentence there because I know exactly how inconsiderate people can be :) And I adore you for your kind words, OtakuBoss-sama! Thank you for reading my fic though you aren't a fan of drama and angst.**

**FlightWulf: Sorry if I made you disappointed for making you wait so long for an update, I've had so much to do lately. But now I seem to get time for writing again! :D And I do have to thank you for your kind words, they really made my day when I read them. (And it was good cause I wasn't having a delightful day before I read your utterly kind review) :D Thank you~!**

**I wanna thank everyone who Favorited or Followed this story too~! And of course the reviewers! Reviews are the best type of therapy for me xD**

**~Enjoy~**

* * *

Blueness swept over the gray, indifferent city. Tall, vigorous buildings cut up the blueness, occupying a big part of the beautiful color of the sky. The boring, irksome streets were all covered in spice of indifference and a sentiment of safety. However, the exceptional blueness was creating a wild, appealing sentiment of freedom, which in other hand created a lust to go on an adventure. Explore. Experience. Witness. But the everyday life which each individual lived limited the choices in life. The person who once had been a great dreamer would slowly yet steadily fall into the media's pace and become a pitiful individual who reluctantly would obey each order she or he received. But isn't that exactly what the society and the media wants from people today? Limit the creativity and eliminate the curiosity. Since if no one ever will find out how things are behind the scenes, then no one will suffer from the great pain of seeing how cruel the real world is. Yet no one will be able to witness all of the beauty, fairness, love and liberty the real world has to offer.

Having to ignore the extraordinary blueness, the young male walked purposefully forwards. He had fallen into a state whereas he just had to find out the truth. It wasn't due to curiosity, though he now had fallen into that ocean too. The original feelings that had motivated him had been the feelings of destruction, disappointment, sorrow and pain. The pain, which was so great and depressing, would just follow his shadow wherever he went. It lingered behind him all the time, accompanied by regret and guilt. Trying to push his pessimistic – yet realistic – thoughts away he wrapped the scarf around his neck one more time. The tanned youth with an uncommonly long nose looked skeptically up at the apartment he was supposed to visit. The man would have many answers to the inquiries he wanted to ask. The biggest issue was whether the man would be willing to share the information with him or not.

Deciding that it was worth a try, he pressed on the button to the right apartment. There was a while of silent, when a car would pass by, leaving an annoying cloud of dust behind it. Usopp had been prepared that the man would ask some questions before letting him in to the block of flats, but there were no inquiries. Instead there was a small noise telling him that the front door was opened. The tanned young man decided that whoever this man was he was very self-confident and brave. What if he just had let in someone else then Usopp into the block of flats? What if he had let in a criminal or something? Shaking the otiose thoughts away, he opened the door and stepped in into the block of flats.

The staircase inside was utterly modern and clean. Next to it was a glass elevator, as equally modern as the staircase. One would not expect the building to be so modern and clean from the inside, since it from the outside didn't look as splendid and pleasant. The site of the block of flats was wonderful though, the man Usopp was going to meet most likely had a view to the ocean. A small sentiment of envy went through his feelings before he had gathered enough courage to actually walk up the stairs to the right floor. Usopp usually avoided using elevators, mostly because he suffered from a slight claustrophobia.

The echo of the doorbell ringing kept on noising in the staircase. It repeated itself in a frightening manner. Some fateful seconds would pass, when a bird would spread out its wings outside and fly by. Some fateful seconds, which made Usopp's heart beat in an anxious pace. When the wooden – yet modern – door was opened the pace would become more irregular and a small sentiment of fear was pumped though his delicate blood veins. What he faced was a blonde man in his late forties with sloppy, ocean blue eyes and a faint smile on his somewhat dry lips. Dark rings underneath his tired eyes made him look exhausted. Usopp couldn't tell for sure, but the eyes looked a bit swollen too. Had he been crying?

"U-Uh… I'm Usopp, a friend of Luffy and Ace", it was an awkward start of their conversation, which soon would become deep and detailed. However, neither of them knew it at that moment yet. The man's expression changed for a brief moment, showing a ridiculous amount of pain in it. But as soon as it had appeared it also disappeared. This man was obviously not a man who felt comfortable with talking of his inner thoughts and feelings. "I think you are Marco right? Luffy mentions you in his diary quite a few times and I thought you could answer some of my questions. I mean, you don't have to if you do-"

"No, it's fine", interrupting Usopp, the man stepped to the side gesturing the youth to come in to the apartment. "And yes, I am Marco. I work, I mean worked, together with Ace. I knew him quite well." Marco let Usopp in and then closed the door behind him. The tanned youth had been expecting a clean apartment since the block of flats was so clean and modern. However, the apartment was messy and it didn't smell that well. Wasn't messiness a sign of depression? Well, the man had just lost a close friend. "I completely understand your decision to come and ask me of their situation. Your words however, draw me to a hasty conclusion. Luffy didn't tell you about his situation at home, did he?"

"Nope, he kept it all for himself. I haven't read so much of the diary yet though, but your name emerged in the texts quite often. From what I could understand Ace suffered from depression, am I right?" Usopp was led to a quite messy living room where some dirty clothes were spread around and some opened pizza boxes lay around. Marco gestured him to sit down on one of the olive-green sofas. The tanned youth settled down on the fitment, ignoring the hoodie he also happened to sit down on. Watching the expression of the other male carefully, Usopp could easily discern sorrow from the neutral expression. He knew that sentiment all too well. The regret, the guilt, the sorrow, the pain, the frustration. It all kept on lingering onto your moving figure, never wanting to leave you completely. No matter how much you would deal with the feelings, you'd still have them there, in your shadow, watching each step you take.

"Yes. He was always utterly disappointed with the fact that his father had been a notorious criminal once. It always kept him down, one way or another. But then…", the eyes became distant, as if he was watching something Usopp couldn't see. Maybe he relived one of his memories? The tanned youth couldn't tell. He had no idea. He had no idea of anything anymore. He had lost all of his sense ever since he had been told of the incident. He still couldn't believe that Luffy had actually committed suicide.

"But then?" keeping his voice somewhat soft, Usopp made Marco return to the blue reality. He could see how the expression looked shocked for a moment, shocked of the fact that Ace really wasn't there with them anymore. Shocked of the fact that he'd never be able to see his friend ever again. The shock made a small needle struck through Usopp's heart. He knew that feeling. That feeling when you're about to call Luffy and ask him to hang out, but then you remember. The feeling when you're about to scold Luffy for not doing his homework, but then you remember. The feeling when you're about to ask Ace how he manages to live with a dumbass like Luffy, but then you remember. And to remember hurts. You don't want to remember. You want to forget. You want to become emotionless so that you don't have to feel the pestering pain all the time. The regret, the guilt, the sorrow, the frustration.

"When Thatch died he… I don't know, but he just lost it. He was reminded of a childhood friend's death. I guess that's what happens when you don't deal with your pain and just force it away. It just became too much when Thatch died. I think everything just rose to the surface and made him lose it. I-It… It was so painful to see him like that. He was so angry and frustrated." Marco looked down at his clasped hands.

For a brief moment Usopp could imagine Marco praying in a similar pose for Ace to come back. For the past to come back. Usopp knew he had done it many times, though he never actually had believed in any type of god. But when everything had collapsed so suddenly, it had felt good to think that there was someone up there, caring for him and thinking of him. Like someone always would look after him, no matter what happened. The thought of that had really made it easier to deal with everything so suddenly. Marco seems to calm down as he turned his gaze to watch over Usopp.

"I don't know how much you knew about Ace, other than that he worked for Whitebeard. But once there was an incident at our workplace when one of the workers died. That was Thatch. Thatch, Ace and I were all really close and it really hit a vital point in Ace when we found out that one of our coworkers had killed him. It had been a planned murder, so that Blackbeard would obtain the secret information Thatch had come over. Ace got naturally furious, and planned on revenge. We all told him it was a stupid thing to do, since we had heard how Blackbeard was involved with the mafia and such. Ace, however, was as stubborn as always and really searched up where Blackbeard was for the moment. And…"

"What happened?" the inquiry didn't become as soft as it had been supposed to be. Usopp himself was all tense of curiosity for the moment. He lacked capability of being concentrated on keeping his voice soft and accurate. He could tell that Marco was a little startled of the sudden harsher tone. The tanned youth couldn't even feel regret of that. He was overwhelmed by curiosity right now.

"Blackbeard only got amused of Ace's desperate try and he…" there was another silence, which was filled with a small noise that came from Usopp swallowing nervously. Marco fidgeted awkwardly, denying the truth. He didn't want to talk about it again. "Blackbeard tortured him and raped him. He humiliated Ace in the worst way. When we finally found Ace two days later he was destroyed. Both physically and mentally. I tried to search help for him, and did my best to help him but… Ace kind of refused to take the help. He even started to cut himself. It was horrible to watch. There were periods when Ace would be better, but then he always became worse again. He was already mentally destroyed from his childhood, which I know nothing about."

Usopp couldn't believe what he was told. Luffy had never mentioned anything about this. Of course, Usopp had heard about Ace's coworker who had died, but… He hadn't known that some gangsters and the mafia had been involved. So this had been what had crushed Ace? What had made him give up on life? And apparently this was not all, apparently there was some childhood friend's death too. Had Luffy known this childhood friend? And what had they been forced to endure during their childhood then? How much had Luffy been through that they had known nothing about? Suddenly Usopp had thousands of questions more to state.

"Luffy has probably never told you anything about this?" Receiving a slow nod as a reply, Marco sighed. "I don't know so much about the childhood friend who had died, but apparently he had been very important to both Ace and Luffy. That's all I know about it, I'm sorry. But I know someone who could help you."

Usopp watched closely as Marco stood up from the comfortable fitment and opened some drawers to get something. The blonde man took a notebook and a pencil, and then quickly scribbled something down on the notebook. Still dwelling in the shock from learning to know more of the truth, Usopp received a piece of paper with a name and a phone number on it.

"That's the phone number to their babysitter as children. She may know something of the childhood friend", a friendly smile was all Marco was able to give the youth. What else could he possibly do or say? He wasn't capable of talking about Ace anymore. All the memories and feelings were storming inside of him right now, he needed to get rid of them before it was too late. He was going to deal with his feelings, unlike Ace had. He wouldn't let himself suffer through the same pain Ace had suffered. Suddenly his dry lips longed to feel the strong taste of alcohol. His throat was wanted to get burned of the strength in the liquid. His brain needed to get high of the liquid, which basically is poison. He knew that the alcohol was slowly starting to become a problem, but he didn't care. As long as he could stay alive and remember, and live in the dreams of his own reminiscence, then everything was fine. He feared death more than one can imagine. "If you have some other questions, I recommend you to come over some other day. Today wasn't the best option."

Usopp thanked the blonde male with the ocean blue eyes politely before leading himself out of the apartment. His head was spinning due to new information. He formed thousands of possibilities and fantasies in his head. Maybe the mafia had been after them and they hadn't committed suicide at all? Maybe they really had been killed? Though Usopp hadn't even come halfway through the diary yet, he wanted to find out what he could before proceeding on with the reading. Deciding that today indeed was a good option – contradicting with what Marco had uttered – Usopp stayed hopeful and looked down at the piece of paper he had received. The letters were accurate and you could clearly read what the paper said. Now where on earth was he supposed to find a woman named Dadan?

* * *

_4__th__ December 2012,_

_I can't stand it anymore. I've tried to hide all the knives and the sharpeners, even the razor blades but I still see more of those annoying cuts. Why is Ace doing that to himself? It looks so painful when he does it. I've seen him do it. And the cuts look really bad afterwards. I have asked Marco to do something about it, since Ace won't listen to me. Marco has been calling for all kinds of people who know more about problems like these, but none of them seem to find time. Marco says that they are just selfish and find other people's problem more important. I want Ace to stop. There are stains of blood everywhere. _

_It's getting really tough in school too. Today Zoro asked whether he could come over and play video games at our place. I had to lie. I'm getting so sick and tired of lying all the time. And I'm so worried too. What should I do to make Ace happier? _

_Christmas is coming up and I'm broke. I was thinking of buying Ace something big and nice, so that he'd become happy again, but I'm out of money. I don't dare to ask some from gramps, he already became mad when Marco didn't let him in to the apartment. _

_Sometimes in class I pretend that when I come home Ace is going to be in the kitchen as usual, preparing dinner and asking of my day. Then he'd laugh at me and tell me that I'm hopeless when I tell him about how I once again forgot to do one of my homework assignments. But when I come home Ace is in his bed, bleeding from his arm and sometimes even the neck. _

_But everything will be back to normal soon. All I have to do is buy Ace a nice Christmas present. Then Ace will be happy again and Zoro can come over and play video games with me as usual._

_-Luffy (:_

* * *

Each day when school would end, each pupil would stay at the building a little longer, asking whether some of their friends could hang out. Naturally there where a few pupils who had some plans for the evening already, and therefore left as quickly as possible to make it to their destination. The corridors of the simple and somewhat dull building would be filled with the voices of young people filled with the energy of life. However, there was one pupil who feared the question of whether someone could hang out at his place the most. Luffy lived in the constant fear of having Usopp or someone else asking whether it would be possible for them to hang out at his place for the evening. Luckily, he had prepared some lies just in case.

Opening his locker quickly, Luffy grabbed his bag and filled it with the books he needed. He made sure to take the right book once in a while, letting a small frown paint itself over his face while remembering the pestering math assignment he had to get done. He hated math the most on this planet. It was close to impossible to understand anything of what the annoying teacher was saying there in front of the class. He barely knew how to solve quadratic equations and even that seemed hopelessly complicated and difficult for him.

"Oi, Luffy", he recognized the all too familiar voice easily. It was Zoro who was calling after him. Turning around to see his friend, Luffy almost dropped his backpack. His green-haired friend mostly was busy with training, but on Wednesdays he didn't have any training sessions. Zoro would train incredibly much, but still lose to Luffy in each competition at school. Luffy could tell that it really frustrated his friend. "Can I come over to your place today and play video games?"

Luffy froze for a brief moment, not expecting the question to come so suddenly. Even though he silently had been preparing himself for a question like this any time, he still felt a little unprepared when the inquiry actually was stated.

"No, I'm sorry Zoro", he let a small, apologetic laugh escape through his lips which he forced into a smile. He had gotten really skilled in acting, since he basically was performing each day. "Ace has a cold and doesn't want me to bring friends over, mostly because he doesn't want that anyone else catches it. And besides, I just planned to do my homework once in a while!" Luffy laughed again, this time letting the laughter sound happy and carefree as usual.

"Idiot. You should be doing your homework everyday if you want to get acceptable grades", Zoro sighed, smiling through it. His friend was so hopeless in many ways. It was crazy how he could be so happy though he basically was ruining his future by not doing his homework properly and not caring about school at all. What Zoro didn't know, though, was that Luffy didn't have a long time of his future left to live. Luffy may have started to realize it already by then. "But anyway. I'll see you tomorrow then!"

"Yeah! Bye~

* * *

~Thanks for Reading~


End file.
